The rules of walking

Before having kids, a store one block away could easily be reached in a couple of minutes. Heck, if you really hustled, you could probably make it in under one. It was easy to budget your time to get from point A to point B back when the only feet that mattered were your own.

Now that kids are in the picture, all bets are off. That five minute stroll could take ten minutes. It could take 30. It all depends on what fascinating obstacles lie in your path.

Abner loves to get out for a good stroll so I am learning very quickly about the unwritten rules that seem to apply to one-year-olds out for a walk:

1. All leaves must be picked up and inspected. If deemed worthy, said leaf will be carried for an indeterminate amount of time.
   
   


2. It doesn't matter if your parents are walking in one direction, you must run in the opposite direction at any cost.
3. Whenever your parents try to put you in the stroller, you must scream at the top of your lungs and be as stiff as a board (at least until they give you a Mum-Mum - then you may go back to your usual pleasant self)
4. The bigger hurry your parents are in, the slower you must walk.
   
   


5. You must stoop down and point out each and every single scrap of garbage along the way.
6. It is not enough to simply point out particularly special scraps of garbage; those must be picked up and handed to mommy or daddy.
7. Take pleasure in holding mommy or daddy's hand whenever possible, unless you are approaching a busy street. Then, you must avoid holding hands at all cost.
8. If your parents bring along your stroller, you must insist on walking. However, if your parents do not bring the stroller, you must refuse to walk and insist that they carry you instead.
   
   


9. Memorize every single playground in your neighbourhood and be sure to let your parents know if you are even remotely near one of them when you're out for a walk.
10. If there is a puddle near your path, or any other body of water for that matter, you simply must indulge in a little splashing.